“Don’t blink; it goes by too fast.” That was the advice I constantly received during my pregnancy and early postpartum period. As I quickly approach my daughter’s first birthday, I can confirm that it was the most spot-on guidance I received as I began my journey into motherhood.
It feels extremely surreal to be even writing this blog post at this moment. It feels like just yesterday I was packing my hospital bag, power walking through my neighborhood, and eating dates and spicy food, hoping and praying to kick start my labor. Now it’s 12 months later, and I’m planning a 1st birthday party, watching my daughter learn to walk, and I’m deeply in my feels, reminiscing about this past year. I’ll be honest; it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. But my goodness, motherhood had been a beautiful journey and nothing short of extraordinary.
Starting with the hardest and scariest part first: labor and delivery. As someone who was very anxious about the L&D experience before getting pregnant and throughout my entire pregnancy, I decided to do a lot of prep work to help ease my fears. I read books, took classes, and listened to hours upon hours of podcasts, hoping to be prepared for a smooth delivery. Although nothing can prepare you for the labor and delivery experience aside from actually bringing a child into the world, I felt as ready as I could be. Four days after my due date, my water broke unexpectedly around 11:00 pm, and it was time. Or so I thought…
While I decided early on that I would not publicly share the full details of my labor and delivery story, there are a few things worth noting. The first being that I didn’t necessarily have a birth plan per se. However, I had a few things I was actively trying to avoid: my water breaking before I was in active labor, laboring at the hospital for an extended period of time, pitocin, and a c-section.
Just a quick reminder that I am not a medical professional. My birth preferences were entirely based on my personal desires, and every woman has the right to choose the birthing experience that they want.
Long story short, all the things I was hoping to avoid (and then some) came to fruition during my labor and delivery process. Bill and I both have spoken about that night several times over the past year, and we both admit that it was one of the scariest moments of our lives.
It’s strange to think that one of the scariest nights of my life also led to the most joy I’ve ever experienced. Our daughter graced us with her presence in an incredibly dramatic fashion after being four days past her due date. The next day after she was born, when I could properly meet her, I was smitten. I was worried that after a less-than-ideal labor, I would be resentful of this tiny human I created. It was quite the opposite, actually. It felt a little like the scene in How the Grinch Stole Christmas when his heart grew three sizes. I fell hard and fast for my daughter in a way I didn’t know was possible until I became a parent. In that moment, all the fears faded away, leaving only love and an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this precious life I was lucky enough to call mine.
The first month was a beautiful blur. It was composed of cuddles, middle-of-the-night feeds, naps (for the entire household), diaper changes, tears of joy, uncertainty while learning new things, and countless firsts. The newborn bubble we experienced was so incredibly endearing I never wanted it to end. But all good things must come to an end. Bill returned to work, and I was gently forced to navigate caring for a newborn without my partner during the day. In typical first-time parent fashion, I was nervous as hell. Don’t get me wrong, I loved every moment, but I was also pretty worried about literally everything all the time.
Was she eating enough? Was she sleeping enough? Was I producing enough milk to create a surplus milk supply? Is her swaddle too tight? Was she breathing in the middle of the night (IYKYK)? So. Many. Questions.
But little by little and day by day, we both grew more secure in our own ways.
She began sleeping through the night, holding her head up on her own, rolling over, and smiling. With time, she started sitting up, enjoying solid food, laughing, crawling, babbling, and experiencing so many firsts. I began to breathe a little easier as I gained confidence as a mom after every milestone she hit.
So much had inevitably changed as a result of becoming parents. Our days revolved around caring for our daughter, which turned our previously well-scheduled lives upside down. The flexibility and freedom we had shifted into a new routine centered around naps, feedings, and playtime, but surprisingly, we found joy in the chaos. Each day brought new challenges and triumphs; even though life was different, it was richer.
Still, there was part of me that longed to regain some of my former self that I had willingly cast aside in order to focus my attention on motherhood. With the schedules being so tight, I found it challenging to find the time to exercise, write, and plan the vacations that I desperately needed. Despite the fact that I loved being a mom, I was and am a passionate traveler at heart, and the lack of trips to look forward to started to wear on me. Noticing this dip in my mood, Bill and I decided it was time to book our first family vacation to Colorado. It was an opportunity for us to introduce our daughter to this significant part of her parent’s lives and to open her eyes to a new experience.
Like parenthood itself, our first family trip was full of firsts. The first time packing (overpacking) a suitcase for her. The first time going to the airport and flying on an airplane as a family. The first time staying in a hotel together. The first time strapping her into the hiking pack and taking her on a hike in the mountains. I could go on and on. Like with any new experience, I was a little anxious. But I pushed past my fears and tried to keep cool, calm, and collected in the face of the bumps in the road that naturally occur when traveling.
The most rewarding part of this trip with our daughter was seeing the world through her eyes. She’s always been a curious gal, and traveling outside her home base for the first time gave her many new things to witness and explore. As I watched her little eyes light up whenever she saw something unique and unfamiliar, I got the overwhelming feeling of pure joy that comes from sharing a part of yourself with someone you love. This was especially true when we spent a few days in Rocky Mountain National Park. Bill and I are avid hikers, and from the moment we found out I was pregnant, we dreamt of bringing our future babe with us to see the mountains. As we explored the park with our daughter strapped to our (Bill’s) back, my heart grew three sizes again. The memories from that trip are some that I will cherish forever, and the experience has laid the foundation for our future travel plans with our daughter.
So, what’s next?
As we enter year two of parenting, I feel more confident in myself as a mom. A lot of the anxieties of being a first-time parent have faded away, and I’m excited to enjoy the ride with all its beautiful (and challenging) ups and downs. Although I know toddlerhood is notoriously formidable, I’m ready to step up to the task. We have a few adventures planned, both with our daughter and without, and I’m looking forward to traveling as a family again in the upcoming year.
At the end of the day, I’m very grateful for this past year and wouldn’t have changed a single thing about my journey into motherhood. I love being a mom more than I thought I would, and I’m pleasantly surprised at how natural stepping into this role has been for me. I’m thankful that my family is happy and healthy, and that’s all I can really ask for. As always, I can’t wait to share more travel guides and tips about how to incorporate traveling with a little one in tow!
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